The holidays were pretty uneventful for the most part. I tried to make the most of it but there was a definite absence. I'll admit it, I avoided as much as I could. I flat out refused to stay the night at the house this year. Not only was Chris in town and we had Norah with us but I did not want to go through that night without you. I was selfish and hid my feelings. Dad did honor your Christmas Eve tradition by having us each open a present. Instead of the usual pajamas, we each got a necklace and a charm with your fingerprint on it. It was the best gift I have ever gotten. I now have a piece of you for always. The holidays ripped apart Kallie and the rest of the family. I just smiled and got the hell out of there when I could. I just kept telling myself that this year was unique because next holiday season I would be someone's wife with a Christmas of our own. So that whole thing went by pretty fast.
Kallie and I celebrated your birthday by me getting one of your favvvorite things, a tattoo. But I promise, it was for good reasons. I always wanted one and could never commit. Now I committed to you by putting myself through 20 minutes of indescribable uncomfortableness. It didn't really hurt, but it definitely did not feel good. Kallie sat with me the whole time waiting for me to cry, and I didn't! I was so proud of myself. I chose Picasso's dove as the dove symbolizes a time for change and renewal. I knew that you would appreciate that. And I've had it for awhile now and don't regret a thing. Afterwards, Kal and I had plans to go out to eat and surprisingly Dad joined us. It was nice to be with just the three of us.
February slid by with much uneventfulness. I actually don't know if I remember much of it...
But right now I am writing this, watching some tv and relaxing (as I've done most of the day) with Norah at my feet. Life isn't fantastic right now but it sure doesn't suck. I can't wait till it gets warm out again so I can enjoy the sunshine. Going to a bridal expo and entering their contests have put my email address into all kinds of bridal-y listserves. Yesterday, Pottery Barn reminded me that I was getting married in 16 weeks. 16 weeks Mom, can you believe it? I had a near heart attack. Oh wait, I guess the only good thing that came out of February was that after a series of long, tearful phone conversations, Chris agreed to move here instead. The flood of relief that flowed over me that night that he said it would happen was one of the best moments, and clearly the only thing I remember from an entire month. But we will be cramming the two of us into my apartment along with Norahdog. It'll be interesting. But the wedding will have to come first, eep!
love you forever and always.
[norahdog says hi]
